Space Nazi’s Chia Pet: Derby reflects New Golden Age (psst … he didn’t write this)

From Fox News:

President Donald Trump praised the work of his administration in a statement on Saturday and shared his “best wishes” to the competitors of the 151st edition of the Kentucky Derby, an event he says represents an “iconic American institution.” 

“The Kentucky Derby is not only a stakes race, but also an iconic American institution and an elegant celebration of our culture, customs, and unwavering competitive spirit,” the president’s statement read. 

“When the first Kentucky Derby commenced in the spring of 1875—1 year before the 100th anniversary of American independence—our Nation was in the midst of a grand transformation.  Westward expansion was underway, our industries were booming, and the promise of Manifest Destiny was beating in the hearts of 10,000 spectators gathered in hope for a united, prosperous, and triumphant American future.”

“Now, as our Nation gathers for that same Derby 150 years later—and 1 year before we celebrate 250 years of independence—we recognize that we are in the early days of a new Golden Age.  Before our very eyes, we are witnessing a resurgence of the American economy, a rebirth of American strength, and a restoration of the American Dream.  Today, as we enjoy the venerated springtime tradition of the Kentucky Derby, my Administration pledges to continue the work of reforming our country, reharnessing our heritage, and reigniting all our greatness and glory.

“I send my best wishes for a safe and successful Kentucky Derby.  May God bless you, and may He continue to bless the United States of America.  May the best horse win!”

How do we know he didn’t write it? There are too many big words (reharnessing? transformation? resurgence?), no insults in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS and sentences don’t end with three exclamation points!!!

Now if this had a reference to Hannibal Lecter and sharks electrocuted by batteries, we’d believe he wrote it. Fox News relies on the gullibility of its audience, so sure, let them pass it off as presidential decorum.

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